Deaf Me

My first dilemma was when to become "deaf". I work in the very busy office of a school, and really couldn't contemplate carrying out my day to day duties without being able to hear. Deaf people have to work. Are they prevented from working in certain roles because of their deafness? Do employers have to provide equipment to enable them? How awful to suddenly loose your hearing and a job you love because you no longer feel able or confident enough to continue. So many questions and things to worry about already and I am not even "deaf" yet!

I decided to try a Saturday afternoon. Just before I put in my earplugs, four of my daughter's friends turned up to play on her trampoline. I really couldn't consider my deaf trial now when I was responsible for five little girls leaping wildly about in my garden. Concerned that it would be viewed by the girls' parents as irresponsible, my deafness was once again put on hold.

I finally managed a couple of hours at home after work, but instead of coming straight in and walking the dog as I normally do, I didn't feel confident enough to be in the middle of a field on my own, and not be able to hear properly. The dogs walk would just have to wait until I could hear again! I put the radio on, still at its usual volume setting and had to turn it way up. I put the kettle on but didn't hear the "click" as it turned itself off. I began to do my ironing but couldn't hear the irons "beep" as it reached the desired temperature setting. All of a sudden the tiniest things that I take for granted all start to mount up.

My children came in from school. The novelty of shouting at me soon wore off, as did the giggling and muttering of rude words and names that I couldn't quite catch! It was scary to be just one room away from them but not have a clue what they are doing. Even the ominous silence which warns that they are up to no good, didn't register with me. They began to moan that the radio was on too loud and they couldn't hear the TV. It suddenly reminded me of walking into my Granddads house and the volume of his TV is overpowering.

The thing that I was dreading most happened - the phone rang. I desperately wanted to cheat and take the earplugs out. What if I couldn't hear the person on the other end of the phone? What if I was bellowing down the phone at them? After just two hours of struggling and straining to hear, I had to admit defeat and settled down to chat with my friend on the phone. Taking out the earplugs was like suddenly bobbing to the surface after being under water. Everything was so loud and clear.

Deaf people do not have the luxury of deciding when it is convenient to be deaf. I realise now the courage it must take for some people to even leave the house or pick up a phone. It has made me aware in this short period of time of many little things that I take for granted, which make my life easier because I can hear. It has made me appreciate the peace of mind and confidence that I would loose if I lost my hearing. I know that a deaf or deafened person would not want my pity but hope that they would settle for my admiration instead.

March 2006